the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
