I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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