I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
