i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize