Say something about gay babies.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
