my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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