I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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