he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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