Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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