Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize