Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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