Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
