i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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