You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
