We're like a lot better than the average bears
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
