Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
