Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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