Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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