One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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