Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
