Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
