I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
