Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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