I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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