are you so shy because you have an std?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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