Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
