i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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