we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
