just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
