and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
