she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
