Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
