Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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