Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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