I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
