I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
