hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
being pregnant is like rehab
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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