The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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