you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
