Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
