You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
