you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
