i don't like sucking hair
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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