Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
