covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
