would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
