The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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