what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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