Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
