I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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