1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
