Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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