Screwed.edu
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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