I just gift wrapped bread.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
