if you like me you must not know who I am
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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