Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
