According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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