It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
