my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
