he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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