you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
bring money and cleavage
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
