It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize