I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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