i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
40s are totally the cure
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize