what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
