i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
