Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize