You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
