You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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