I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
