you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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