Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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