that's an acceptable place to lick
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
